I'm not a douchebag

Why does everyone hate Artie? From my perch looking out over my little Apple Orchard, I get to see and say a lot of things, but I've never hurt anyone. Ok, so that one time with the crow from the south paddock fence doesn't count. He was trying to poke my eye out after all.

So maybe my face is made of burlap and my head is stuffed with straw, but I still have a heart. All I want is to be left alone among the apple trees, while I wait for the iPhone to be released. Is that too much to ask?